From Shorts to Trousers

How does it feels to step into a new new world? How does it feels to leave a complete world with every little happiness 1200 km behind and move on with setting up a new one? A few years back I had these questions in my mind when I would acquaint someone moving away from home. Now I know all the answers. It feels good and bad. Sweet and sour at the same time. I was a lot excited about it. Not that I was leaving my home,family and friend behind but about those that I’d make now.

Pune was better than I expected. After a lot of this as that, finally that day comes when you step into a new life. It took me great struggle to get what I have right now. I was never the brightest of the lot I was in, but for some reason, I had my moments every now and then when I would out perform myself and amuse the whole bunch of people around me and even myself. It takes a lot more to prove your worth to people who despise you. IT TAKES A LOT OF PATIENCE. Yes it does. It takes a lot of effort to ignore those people and keep doing things your way. You need to break their rules. You need to break bad.

Last 45 days have been quite an experience for me. Saw a lot of things that altered me as a person. Felt a lot of things that nurtured me a human. Made some fabulous bonds with great people. Learnt things monstrously. Missed home equally. And most of all, been away from this digital personal space for a long time. 😀 Maybe it was due to lack of motivation. Working in my new job I learnt that you tend to work more effectively when you are being recognized for it. I recently realized that my minute digital print on WordPress was being missed. 🙂

I also met few people I would not call “the best alive on earth. 😀 Sorry folks, but that’s that. I can’t pretend to like someone whom I don’t. This corporate world ,at times, makes you doubt your own judgement of people. But I am not gonna break this month long fast of digital silence with bitching about people around me. (Come on, don’t loathe me,everybody likes to bitch about others).

Music has been my soul mate here. It liberates me from all the shit in this world. And when the only thing you do for 8 hrs in a day is listen to music, it kind of start defining your life. You start to connect every single event of the day to the songs you listen. You grow more and more sensitive to sounds. Any type of music starts to sooth your senses. It kind of becomes your drug. It becomes your refuge from all the mental fatigue. It is your stress buster at work. It is your entertainer at home. When you live alone in a new city with new people around you, you certainly need something that can get you high, can get you shut the whole world mentally and take you to a paradise where you rule, where it’s your wish. Some people find this high in booze. I do in music. Weather and a pair of headphones is all I need to feel complete here.

It’s difficult to move to a new city all by yourself. But there have been very few sour experiences. Most of the memories that I have captured in the last 45 days are gonna last for a long time. It makes you feel disgusting to share the same room with someone you don’t know well enough. But that’s when practicality hits you on the face. And slowly you start to ADJUST.

It took me around a week to adjust to this new life. But every now and then there have been turns and twists. Every few weeks there was something new to adjust to. And after 45 days in this city, this is the first weekend when I could sit down, plug in my music and write this blog. That’s how unappealingly eventful my weekends have been. But I love this weekend. No cloths to launder, no utensils to wash. This is “ME TIME”. Apparently I did not realize that I needed this break more than anything until one of my rommie did this. I feel good. Sitting in the balcony with my playlist dancing in my head. This is so good. And the best part is, Sunday is yet to come. Probably tomorrow I’ll read something. But first I am gonna enjoy today, finish this blog, go for a long walk in the pleasantly cold Pune’s evenings. Eat an ice cream maybe and then come back home, sleep early today. That’s my plan for today. It might seem the most boring weekend that anybody could ever spend but that’s me. That’s how I like my weekends. I’d prefer to spend time with myself than party outside with others. I like to socialize a lot but I like to go out on dates with myself more.

I have no idea what the next few month’s gonna bring form me, but whatever they may be, I know I’ll find a way to make the most out of them… 🙂

Who we really are.

This isn’t a philosophical post. What I am about to write may offend you as you near the conclusion. Especially if your gender is  Male. I expect most of you to quit reading as you finish the first paragraph, two at the most. But, if you still make it to the bottom of this page, you MAY see things differently!

Recently, a lot of my Facebook friends shared a few pictures, all of them raising one common issue – our circumscribed thinking. They sure made me disgust mine, if you haven’t already seen those pics you’ll feel the same in about 10 mins. In case you saw and ignored the message, well BURN in HELL. I am going to talk about the best ones that may shake your sleeping conscience.

1: If you feel that it is hot, plant a tree. This is pretty right actually. After reading a few blogs and wiki pages I came to a conclusion that “TREES ARE VERY IMPORTANT”. I think i don’t need to mention elementary science reasons for that. Unfortunately, we are at fault. We may give infinite reason for deforestation, but justify none. There is no point in lecturing you over its effects. If you understand how to use a computer and read my blog, you very well know its implications.

2: Surely a bullet train will solve all the problems of a 10 year old child labor. Recently, Indian government gestured multiple times about its plans to accelerate India’s technological growth. 100 Crores have been proposed for its infrastructural development.  Another proposal was to erect a 182 mts tall monument of Vallabhbhai Patel with an expected budget of $34 Million. Those are large values.I am sure this had more priority than current fiscal deficit of India, increasing inflation, decreasing education standards, unemployment. I am sure these can be tackled in the next FY. After all “Ache din ane wale hai(Good days are about to come)” as campaigned by Bhartiye Janta party. We so readily accept what we are given. We have learned to move on quicker now. To some a bullet train seems the right thing, but that is only from individualistic perspective. If we were to consider this whole society then there may appear things of higher importance than that.

3: We live in a society where Porn Stars are easily accepted as Actors while a rape victim is denied the status of a person. (this ripped my conscience).  These are strong words and have even stronger message. In itself they are a one liner description of our pigeonholed psychology. We all (including me as well) may write, debate endlessly on the female empowerment, but never may arrive at the definitive solution for it. We call ourselves so morally strong. However, we forget to scrutinize our insensitive conduct with these victims. They don’t need our sympathy, for it is the last thing they ask for. Empathy doesn’t help either as it is fake unless you’ve been yourself in such a situation. What is the solution? Did you ever though about it ? I did once. I ended up blaming the society and the political structure of India. What I did not realize ,until i read this line, was that I belonged to the same society as well. I chose the government in action. All that I get is the repercussions of my actions and my decisions. Same applies to everyone of us.

We all try to find someone that we can put the blame on, someone who will be the victim of our own collective mistake. The only solution that appears to me now is to change the world.  Obviously you can’t, you are not Nelson Mandela or Mahatma Gandhi, you are you. If you are able to bring the same change in yourself that you want to see in the world, consider it a victory.

I read these next few lines in a book and it made sense to me.

A small boy once saw a women getting raped by a very muscular guy, someone she could not overpower. The boy could have tried to save her but he saw that the women herself did not try to protest. The man saw the boy and frightened him so much that he fled the scene. His mother told him that he was too young(he was, in fact) to have saved the woman. The women herself did not protest because she knew she would die if she did. She chose life over death. But his mother was being protective of him. His uncle told him that it was the women karma that she will have to live with now(having not protested) but it was your karma to save her and now that you did not, you will have to carry the burden your whole life.      — The Secret of Nagas ( Shiva Trilogy -II)

One has to live with the decisions one makes. There is no point in writing things that you already know. We all face great challenges as individuals and as a society. Most of them can be tackled easily with reason and standing up together as one. If you read this line and have a different thinking or ideology, please surprise me!


A week with the Indian Air Force

I’ve never been more than 50 Km away from my parents alone for more than 2 days and when I was, I was mostly under my blood relative’s protection. Not that I despised being with them, I voluntarily stayed with them. The point I want to prove is that I’ve never been on my own for once in 21 years. I never had the chance to live in hostel, or maybe went out for an outing that lasted more that one night. When I cleared AFCAT’s cutoff and received a call letter for the Service Selection Board(SSB) process I was excited. I’d heard before about the life that one experiences in SSB and how one remembers it throughout his life. I didn’t want to let this slot get filled with another week of boring life that I live here.

I scheduled my SSB date on 23 June, 3 months after I received the call. I chose this date specifically making critical analysis of a lot of things. I knew that my end term exams would be finished somewhere around mid June and then my Job would begin on 1 July. I also had a lot to do on my body which was expanding in every direction possible. Hence I joined a Gym the next week. The next three months passed with me working my ass out to burn as many kilos as I could. Precisely, a call for AFSB(Air Force Selection Board)  was the impulse I needed.

The judgement day came and I left for the unfamiliar destination, with a lot of doubts and a little fret. Nonetheless, I arrived there and the next few hours were hard to recall. Everything happened fast or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was because I was drowsy as I could hardly close my eyes in the 7 hour-long journey via train. First day was a screening round. One had to clear all the tests on day one to proceed to phase two that would be 5 days long. I cleared it. Yes with my eyes almost closed half the time I managed to get through. We all were allotted a chest number, kind-of like an identification for the next 5 days. We all would henceforth be officially referred by our chest number. I was chest number 19. Whenever i heard this, I made my chest swell about 2 inches and I would feel ,for no reason, like an AirForce officer, though it was still a distant dream.

Next few days were a bunch of test that would test our psychology,physical fitness, group management and behavior, pilot aptitude test and what not. Group task were something I enjoyed the most.  Group Discussions, Group Obstacle Tasks, Group Planning etc were the most fun part of the stay. All these task made me feel different form the civilian life that I live back in Delhi.

Back at our rooms we were 10 different people from different cities speaking in different accent but were here for one common purpose. This was the first time I was in the same room with a Khalsa Sardar and people from Indore, Chandigarh etc. Since we knew our night would pass very dull we bought a pack of cards. It did us well for all the 4 days. We 11 people(100 from our room and one from a different room) would play cards for 2-3 hours and making endless fun of any newbie’s mistakes in the game. These 10 people made me laugh enough for my throat to act up. After the second day I could hardly say a sentence without muting  a few words. It took a week for my voice to return to normal. Sometimes we all had a very heated discussion on some irrelevant topic that we would need some distraction and we found that in those swimming calmly in sweet dreams. I can’t describe the pleasure it gave us to wake our asleep friends with ice chilled water. Some of them reacted exactly the way we wanted to. 😀 Yes some of us had the most evil mind in the whole lot.

Food was good as per my expectations of mess food. What else could a hungry and tired student want other than Chicken Curry or Egg Curry at night. Last night was a feast for us. But in this 5 day journey what I remember the most is not the food or the different life i lived there. I remember the people I met, I remember surviving 5 days without my cellphone and no internet, no connectivity to outside world except for a few minutes when we get to call our homes. These 5 days made me realize that had we been allowed to keep our cellphones, these days would have passed pathetically boring and I would have detested my decision of coming here. Whatever be their purpose of taking away our phones, it worked well for me. Although, I regret that I could not make it to the final list of selects I still did not feel bad as my purpose for being there was more or less fulfilled. I was going home with some wonderful memories and just one picture of the whole group together. 🙂AFSB

The way I am

Everyone we meet in our life is very smart. They all are too smart and they will try to sell you their lie that they don’t know anything about anything. Now If I say something like that in this post, I don’t want you to believe it. Everybody should be smart because there are too many hands to hold just one CUP. Everybody wants to be on the top, and why shouldn’t they want to be if they got what it takes to be. But is it really that complex to partition wannabes from the rest of the group?

In the last 4 years of my life I’ve met these 3 kinds of people. One, who will work their ass out and yet deny to take all the credit. Two, who work for getting their name high, getting themselves at the top with their hard-work. Three, are those people who thrive on other’s success. For them it is all just a game of being at the top with all being fair in it. Now I ,speaking personally, despise such people – The third kind. There are only a couple of people I’d call a friend after graduating. Not a very good experience there given the fact that I never brawled with anyone. Not even verbally the entire 4 years.

A lot of people try to seek other’s attention. Even I wanted everybody’s attention every time and to get it I did a lot of lame and retarded things that led people to formulate a thinking about me that I am a kid. I made jokes, lots and lots of them, every time, on every one, even on myself .People laughed hard on them, I did harder. But in this futile attempt, I was turning myself as a people’s entertainer. Nobody looked at me as a support or as a confidant. But I was a bit more mature that anyone else could have anticipated. There are friends who took my creations, my hard-work, my knowledge and now call it theirs. I was OK with this. Simply because I knew that what I did was something they could have never done in this life. Just like “Walter White” from Breaking Bad I am obsessed with myself and my intellect. I know my strengths and I know their weaknesses too. I know they wouldn’t die without me, nor do I want a credit. I simply want them to feel a strong missing piece in their complex jigsaw-puzzle.

I want people to know who I really am. That, precisely, was one of the reason of my sudden interest in blogging. Yes take it this way, I want to brag about who I am and what I can do. Because I am proud of being me. No one else can do this better than I do.

Try being my Critic!

I am a web developer. Yes, I am. People say, it is not a designation worth mentioning or a job not worth doing. Well my reply to them is “It is a designation with a job that requires Imagination and creativity that YOU along with YOUR WHOLE INTELLECTUAL CONSORTIUM is not capable of making to in this lifetime”. This post is not to humiliate anyone who belongs to this group nor is it to prove my wisdom. It is also not targeted towards any of my college/school teacher/classmates who ,in a way, tried to pull me, my imagination and my aptitude in this particular discipline down by saying that “Anyone CAN make a website”. If you have ever been subjected to such mental exploitation, continue reading as you may feel a little better. If you have been the reason of this oppression…… BURN IN HELL, but before that, read this post.

Well, now that you know the objective of this post and the target audience I shall get on with it. I was born with average intelligence. Yes I was. But then, who isn’t? Every individual is born with average intelligence. Yes, even you. What? Did you feel offended? Oh, I am so not sorry, because you are. If you still think that you are extra ordinary, and consider yourself high born with some talent like no other, well wait, don’t release your fury upon me yet, and think for a moment. Does a score of 95+ out of 100 makes you the “WEE CHILD” ? If yes, then go to an empty room, dim the lights and lie down making no noise and movement until help arrives. This first kind of fault-finders are mostly withing 100 yards if you are in school or college. I have many friends who behave this way. They try their best to raise themselves above me and call me dwarf, but in that attempt they fall on their ass. One of the Greatest mentor in my life once told me that if someone ever tries to pull you down, use the INSULTING FINGER. So to this kind of nitpickers I let my finger do the talking.

Knowledge is an uncountable entity.  You cannot find  a fraction of your intellect vs that the world possess. Well this is because knowledge is not a measurable quantity. Now, before you F-Bomb me and comment “What is the purpose of tests?” read on. Examinations are a way to testify that you actually possess the  qualities you claim to. It is merely a test of what you actually know vs what you assert to. So if you are smart in a field, you still are “SMART IN THAT PARTICULAR BRANCH OF STUDY”. Not in every domain. Exactly like me, you too are an average kid.

Now, coming to a the people who Say “Anyone can build a website”. Yes anybody can, if they learn how to. But could you? Did anyone else realize that there is a difference of possibility between the word Can and Could. Nonetheless this is a group of people who will tell you that you own a few qualities that are very easy to acquire yet so meaningless that they themselves did not waste their time on it. My advice to you for such people: Don’t give a shit about what they say. Instead write a post to humiliate them among global public. This ought to give you more satisfaction that bombarding them in personal.

There in-fact is a third group of critics who will criticize you without knowing why. Their lack of knowledge in your field of expertise will make you doubt your knowledge in the same. Don’t fall for that. These people will pretend to know everything about everything, and yet they will successfully fail to succeed at anything. These pretentious little brats will try to relate everything that you know to something that they did, happened with them or are currently doing. Avoid them mentally. Yes mentally, physical avoidance might not be possible sometimes so abstain them mentally.

Now moving on to the final group of critics who should be the one that matters to you. Your parents, your closest friends, your wisest teachers. They never attack your ego or your honor. They go after your defeat with the motive of turning them to your victory.  They make you fly high without falling on your face. And they always love you and would support you in anything. Only you’ve got to show them that this is what you love to do. Stay close to such people. I like to call such people my forte.

Do not befriend people who praise you unconditionally yet never point out a single mistake. Your seriously are not perfect, because if you are then you are non-existent. True friends will always praise you at your good and condemn your wrong.  Their criticism will not be with the purpose to demotivate or insult you but with the hope that you will realize that you are wrong. They other group of friends are your biggest foes. Their criticism will be with the rationale of breaking you from a few inches inside. Don’t take it seriously. As someone once said that

one always has fewer weaknesses that one’s critics claim.