From Shorts to Trousers

How does it feels to step into a new new world? How does it feels to leave a complete world with every little happiness 1200 km behind and move on with setting up a new one? A few years back I had these questions in my mind when I would acquaint someone moving away from home. Now I know all the answers. It feels good and bad. Sweet and sour at the same time. I was a lot excited about it. Not that I was leaving my home,family and friend behind but about those that I’d make now.

Pune was better than I expected. After a lot of this as that, finally that day comes when you step into a new life. It took me great struggle to get what I have right now. I was never the brightest of the lot I was in, but for some reason, I had my moments every now and then when I would out perform myself and amuse the whole bunch of people around me and even myself. It takes a lot more to prove your worth to people who despise you. IT TAKES A LOT OF PATIENCE. Yes it does. It takes a lot of effort to ignore those people and keep doing things your way. You need to break their rules. You need to break bad.

Last 45 days have been quite an experience for me. Saw a lot of things that altered me as a person. Felt a lot of things that nurtured me a human. Made some fabulous bonds with great people. Learnt things monstrously. Missed home equally. And most of all, been away from this digital personal space for a long time. 😀 Maybe it was due to lack of motivation. Working in my new job I learnt that you tend to work more effectively when you are being recognized for it. I recently realized that my minute digital print on WordPress was being missed. 🙂

I also met few people I would not call “the best alive on earth. 😀 Sorry folks, but that’s that. I can’t pretend to like someone whom I don’t. This corporate world ,at times, makes you doubt your own judgement of people. But I am not gonna break this month long fast of digital silence with bitching about people around me. (Come on, don’t loathe me,everybody likes to bitch about others).

Music has been my soul mate here. It liberates me from all the shit in this world. And when the only thing you do for 8 hrs in a day is listen to music, it kind of start defining your life. You start to connect every single event of the day to the songs you listen. You grow more and more sensitive to sounds. Any type of music starts to sooth your senses. It kind of becomes your drug. It becomes your refuge from all the mental fatigue. It is your stress buster at work. It is your entertainer at home. When you live alone in a new city with new people around you, you certainly need something that can get you high, can get you shut the whole world mentally and take you to a paradise where you rule, where it’s your wish. Some people find this high in booze. I do in music. Weather and a pair of headphones is all I need to feel complete here.

It’s difficult to move to a new city all by yourself. But there have been very few sour experiences. Most of the memories that I have captured in the last 45 days are gonna last for a long time. It makes you feel disgusting to share the same room with someone you don’t know well enough. But that’s when practicality hits you on the face. And slowly you start to ADJUST.

It took me around a week to adjust to this new life. But every now and then there have been turns and twists. Every few weeks there was something new to adjust to. And after 45 days in this city, this is the first weekend when I could sit down, plug in my music and write this blog. That’s how unappealingly eventful my weekends have been. But I love this weekend. No cloths to launder, no utensils to wash. This is “ME TIME”. Apparently I did not realize that I needed this break more than anything until one of my rommie did this. I feel good. Sitting in the balcony with my playlist dancing in my head. This is so good. And the best part is, Sunday is yet to come. Probably tomorrow I’ll read something. But first I am gonna enjoy today, finish this blog, go for a long walk in the pleasantly cold Pune’s evenings. Eat an ice cream maybe and then come back home, sleep early today. That’s my plan for today. It might seem the most boring weekend that anybody could ever spend but that’s me. That’s how I like my weekends. I’d prefer to spend time with myself than party outside with others. I like to socialize a lot but I like to go out on dates with myself more.

I have no idea what the next few month’s gonna bring form me, but whatever they may be, I know I’ll find a way to make the most out of them… 🙂

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Who we really are.

This isn’t a philosophical post. What I am about to write may offend you as you near the conclusion. Especially if your gender is  Male. I expect most of you to quit reading as you finish the first paragraph, two at the most. But, if you still make it to the bottom of this page, you MAY see things differently!

Recently, a lot of my Facebook friends shared a few pictures, all of them raising one common issue – our circumscribed thinking. They sure made me disgust mine, if you haven’t already seen those pics you’ll feel the same in about 10 mins. In case you saw and ignored the message, well BURN in HELL. I am going to talk about the best ones that may shake your sleeping conscience.

1: If you feel that it is hot, plant a tree. This is pretty right actually. After reading a few blogs and wiki pages I came to a conclusion that “TREES ARE VERY IMPORTANT”. I think i don’t need to mention elementary science reasons for that. Unfortunately, we are at fault. We may give infinite reason for deforestation, but justify none. There is no point in lecturing you over its effects. If you understand how to use a computer and read my blog, you very well know its implications.

2: Surely a bullet train will solve all the problems of a 10 year old child labor. Recently, Indian government gestured multiple times about its plans to accelerate India’s technological growth. 100 Crores have been proposed for its infrastructural development.  Another proposal was to erect a 182 mts tall monument of Vallabhbhai Patel with an expected budget of $34 Million. Those are large values.I am sure this had more priority than current fiscal deficit of India, increasing inflation, decreasing education standards, unemployment. I am sure these can be tackled in the next FY. After all “Ache din ane wale hai(Good days are about to come)” as campaigned by Bhartiye Janta party. We so readily accept what we are given. We have learned to move on quicker now. To some a bullet train seems the right thing, but that is only from individualistic perspective. If we were to consider this whole society then there may appear things of higher importance than that.

3: We live in a society where Porn Stars are easily accepted as Actors while a rape victim is denied the status of a person. (this ripped my conscience).  These are strong words and have even stronger message. In itself they are a one liner description of our pigeonholed psychology. We all (including me as well) may write, debate endlessly on the female empowerment, but never may arrive at the definitive solution for it. We call ourselves so morally strong. However, we forget to scrutinize our insensitive conduct with these victims. They don’t need our sympathy, for it is the last thing they ask for. Empathy doesn’t help either as it is fake unless you’ve been yourself in such a situation. What is the solution? Did you ever though about it ? I did once. I ended up blaming the society and the political structure of India. What I did not realize ,until i read this line, was that I belonged to the same society as well. I chose the government in action. All that I get is the repercussions of my actions and my decisions. Same applies to everyone of us.

We all try to find someone that we can put the blame on, someone who will be the victim of our own collective mistake. The only solution that appears to me now is to change the world.  Obviously you can’t, you are not Nelson Mandela or Mahatma Gandhi, you are you. If you are able to bring the same change in yourself that you want to see in the world, consider it a victory.

I read these next few lines in a book and it made sense to me.

A small boy once saw a women getting raped by a very muscular guy, someone she could not overpower. The boy could have tried to save her but he saw that the women herself did not try to protest. The man saw the boy and frightened him so much that he fled the scene. His mother told him that he was too young(he was, in fact) to have saved the woman. The women herself did not protest because she knew she would die if she did. She chose life over death. But his mother was being protective of him. His uncle told him that it was the women karma that she will have to live with now(having not protested) but it was your karma to save her and now that you did not, you will have to carry the burden your whole life.      — The Secret of Nagas ( Shiva Trilogy -II)

One has to live with the decisions one makes. There is no point in writing things that you already know. We all face great challenges as individuals and as a society. Most of them can be tackled easily with reason and standing up together as one. If you read this line and have a different thinking or ideology, please surprise me!

 

A week with the Indian Air Force

I’ve never been more than 50 Km away from my parents alone for more than 2 days and when I was, I was mostly under my blood relative’s protection. Not that I despised being with them, I voluntarily stayed with them. The point I want to prove is that I’ve never been on my own for once in 21 years. I never had the chance to live in hostel, or maybe went out for an outing that lasted more that one night. When I cleared AFCAT’s cutoff and received a call letter for the Service Selection Board(SSB) process I was excited. I’d heard before about the life that one experiences in SSB and how one remembers it throughout his life. I didn’t want to let this slot get filled with another week of boring life that I live here.

I scheduled my SSB date on 23 June, 3 months after I received the call. I chose this date specifically making critical analysis of a lot of things. I knew that my end term exams would be finished somewhere around mid June and then my Job would begin on 1 July. I also had a lot to do on my body which was expanding in every direction possible. Hence I joined a Gym the next week. The next three months passed with me working my ass out to burn as many kilos as I could. Precisely, a call for AFSB(Air Force Selection Board)  was the impulse I needed.

The judgement day came and I left for the unfamiliar destination, with a lot of doubts and a little fret. Nonetheless, I arrived there and the next few hours were hard to recall. Everything happened fast or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was because I was drowsy as I could hardly close my eyes in the 7 hour-long journey via train. First day was a screening round. One had to clear all the tests on day one to proceed to phase two that would be 5 days long. I cleared it. Yes with my eyes almost closed half the time I managed to get through. We all were allotted a chest number, kind-of like an identification for the next 5 days. We all would henceforth be officially referred by our chest number. I was chest number 19. Whenever i heard this, I made my chest swell about 2 inches and I would feel ,for no reason, like an AirForce officer, though it was still a distant dream.

Next few days were a bunch of test that would test our psychology,physical fitness, group management and behavior, pilot aptitude test and what not. Group task were something I enjoyed the most.  Group Discussions, Group Obstacle Tasks, Group Planning etc were the most fun part of the stay. All these task made me feel different form the civilian life that I live back in Delhi.

Back at our rooms we were 10 different people from different cities speaking in different accent but were here for one common purpose. This was the first time I was in the same room with a Khalsa Sardar and people from Indore, Chandigarh etc. Since we knew our night would pass very dull we bought a pack of cards. It did us well for all the 4 days. We 11 people(100 from our room and one from a different room) would play cards for 2-3 hours and making endless fun of any newbie’s mistakes in the game. These 10 people made me laugh enough for my throat to act up. After the second day I could hardly say a sentence without muting  a few words. It took a week for my voice to return to normal. Sometimes we all had a very heated discussion on some irrelevant topic that we would need some distraction and we found that in those swimming calmly in sweet dreams. I can’t describe the pleasure it gave us to wake our asleep friends with ice chilled water. Some of them reacted exactly the way we wanted to. 😀 Yes some of us had the most evil mind in the whole lot.

Food was good as per my expectations of mess food. What else could a hungry and tired student want other than Chicken Curry or Egg Curry at night. Last night was a feast for us. But in this 5 day journey what I remember the most is not the food or the different life i lived there. I remember the people I met, I remember surviving 5 days without my cellphone and no internet, no connectivity to outside world except for a few minutes when we get to call our homes. These 5 days made me realize that had we been allowed to keep our cellphones, these days would have passed pathetically boring and I would have detested my decision of coming here. Whatever be their purpose of taking away our phones, it worked well for me. Although, I regret that I could not make it to the final list of selects I still did not feel bad as my purpose for being there was more or less fulfilled. I was going home with some wonderful memories and just one picture of the whole group together. 🙂AFSB

Insomniac FIFA

FIFA WC 2014. Every permutation of these characters has made it successfully, in these last 3 days, to the Hashtag database. Facebook has evidently turned into FIFA.com news channel. I wonder if they have already started a RSS feed of people’s tags on this world wide event. Football suddenly captured every mind that breaths sport, including me. I haven’t followed football ever in my life as I am doing right now and I did in the last world cup..

This time FIFA fever seems to have taken me down stronger than last time. I only remember a few events of 2010 WC. But in this world cup, My mind is restless. I am unable to control my urge to tune to Youtube and endlessly watch awesome football videos,moments,goals and what not. My browsing  history is overflowing with football video links, Ronaldo , Messi, Robben, Neymar and who not. My football dictionary increased exponentially adding endless rules and players’ bios to it.

India is a approximately 8.5 hours ahead of Brazil, hence all the LIVE telecast to the WC matches are post sleeping times here. There starts a time at around 12 AM when my whatsapp is suddenly flooded with group messages of FIFA moments. This does not stops till the last match for the day which is usually 9 AM. Yes, 9 continuous fucking hours of FIFA bombs on whatsapp. Everybody is a Football GURU suddenly. Even I am. I abruptly turn into a football coach F’ing in anger every move that I dont like and shouting a few astounded F’s when something unexpected happens. Like that Robin van Persie’s flying header which threw me to my toes and yell “This shit is GOD like”.  After that goal he was nicknamed ‘The Flying Dutchman’.Image

This sport has taken over my mind. Yesterday I was awake till 5:30 AM to watch the Italians thrash the England Squad. I cannot control this cravings to play with anything that resembles  a football. I never supported a single team, I followed players. This make me watch every match of the major league teams. Portugal for Ronaldo, Argentina for Messi, Ronnie and Gerrad makes me cheer for England while Buffon does for Italy. It is mixed feeling when you are crossing fingers of one hand that Iniesta scores while other hand is crossed for Netherland team to defend the goal. I felt devastated when Spain lost 5-1 but at the same time I was celebrating for this mammoth win of Dutch over Spaniards.

In the last few days I’ve realized that to follow a sport or anything one does not have to know everything about it. You only need to have the love to enjoy it no matter who wins or lose. I guess that is the rationale behind it. You don’t need to pick sides to experience the thrill of a game, the pumping heart at a goal scored, the goosebumps at those breath-stopping-gasping moments. Although I am not good at sports, I still am good at enjoying it.

 

The way I am

Everyone we meet in our life is very smart. They all are too smart and they will try to sell you their lie that they don’t know anything about anything. Now If I say something like that in this post, I don’t want you to believe it. Everybody should be smart because there are too many hands to hold just one CUP. Everybody wants to be on the top, and why shouldn’t they want to be if they got what it takes to be. But is it really that complex to partition wannabes from the rest of the group?

In the last 4 years of my life I’ve met these 3 kinds of people. One, who will work their ass out and yet deny to take all the credit. Two, who work for getting their name high, getting themselves at the top with their hard-work. Three, are those people who thrive on other’s success. For them it is all just a game of being at the top with all being fair in it. Now I ,speaking personally, despise such people – The third kind. There are only a couple of people I’d call a friend after graduating. Not a very good experience there given the fact that I never brawled with anyone. Not even verbally the entire 4 years.

A lot of people try to seek other’s attention. Even I wanted everybody’s attention every time and to get it I did a lot of lame and retarded things that led people to formulate a thinking about me that I am a kid. I made jokes, lots and lots of them, every time, on every one, even on myself .People laughed hard on them, I did harder. But in this futile attempt, I was turning myself as a people’s entertainer. Nobody looked at me as a support or as a confidant. But I was a bit more mature that anyone else could have anticipated. There are friends who took my creations, my hard-work, my knowledge and now call it theirs. I was OK with this. Simply because I knew that what I did was something they could have never done in this life. Just like “Walter White” from Breaking Bad I am obsessed with myself and my intellect. I know my strengths and I know their weaknesses too. I know they wouldn’t die without me, nor do I want a credit. I simply want them to feel a strong missing piece in their complex jigsaw-puzzle.

I want people to know who I really am. That, precisely, was one of the reason of my sudden interest in blogging. Yes take it this way, I want to brag about who I am and what I can do. Because I am proud of being me. No one else can do this better than I do.

Too many things on my mind.

Lately I haven’t been on wordpress much. It all started on 13th this month. I was eagerly waiting for the result of this Job interview that i went through the week before. Till this day I was very clear about my career path for the next year or so. That day passed with little celebrations and a few congratulation calls from friends and family. Seemed like a pretty good day to me. The worst followed the next day. I received an email stating that I have made it to an MBA college I applied for. Well this, at first, seemed like a WOW moment. Getting two things that i always wanted to. But then, I had to decide which one to let go and which one to hold on. That is when the hardest part starts. Then next few days passed horribly with me along with my family brainstorming about both the options but still the balance was equally weighted for both of them. I had sleepless nights, not because I was worried or anxious but because I was up all night chatting with seniors ,employees and Ex-employees about the credibility of choosing that stake. There was a time I would make up my mind for one, and the next morning I was completely blank why I chose that. It was like you were given a choice to take home Either Angelina Jolie and Scarlet Johansson. None seemed better over other and none seemed lesser of other. I was too scared to flip a coin because I thought the coin would not come down.
In a day or two I got pretty pissed off. Nobody giving me a straight answer. Though one of my closest friend (Raunaq) was trying very hard to convince me into job. I really appreciate his effort there and his friendship throughout my graduation. But the thing was I was too skeptical about myself, I felt I may not succeed in the MBA entrance exams two years from now. I failed to trust my ability. I always boasted a practical personality, but here I realized the true me. After a lot of data crunching and anticipating the future prospects that might be best for me with the advice of a few i trust, I settled for one. The Job. But these 7 days have been the longest and the most mentally torturing days of my life. I couldn’t even celebrate for the happiness i received. In-fact I dont remember being happy these 7 days. All i remember is being worried and anxious and checking my facebook profile every 15 mins for any messages from people I’ve been consulting about this. And I am not happy about this. There were times I wished that I hadn’t got both these opportunities at the same time. But as it turns out or rather as it had to turn out, I voted for one and now I have accepted the fact that I will have to live with the consequences whatever they may be.

Breaking Bad

I am no junkie. I don’t smoke,drink or take any kinds of drugs that may cut me loose from my senses. But still I am high. I am hallucinated. This happens every time to me I watch Sherlock or Game of Thrones. Every time i listen to Metallica. Every time I play Call of Duty. Every time I watch Brad Pitt or Robert Downey Jr. paint the screens of my television set.There are things that make me blur the surroundings and get me into a semi-dream state. There are songs that make my heart beat at their tempo. There are movies that make my Medulla Oblongata lose control of my breathing and dim my reflexes. I am sure there are similar things for you as well.

My ears are the most sensitive part of my body. They are easily addled. They cut me from my surroundings completely. They are very robust too. They can recognize Eminem or Rihanna at the faintest of the sound. Good music gets me as high as clean meth does to some crystal junkie. It delights me as much as a marijuana joint does to an addict. Even the theme music of Sherlock gets me high enough to marathon the complete series again. “The Rains of Castamere” gets me stupefied enough to  repeat the song countless times. I have unnatural obsession with music.

My brain, this little bean in my head, is the real reason behind my volatile behavior. It stores pictures, of everything I lay my eyes upon. It runs complex, insanely tangled, algorithms to link every piece of information my senses record. The result of this algorithm is immensely pleasurable and inebriated memories or feelings that gets me into oblivion.This small organ is very easy to distract and then it wander into this gigantic world of its own where it lives with all of my imagination creating things that I dream of, living episodes of Game of Thrones,sitting on the iron throne, Flying like the Iron Man, breaking guitar on a floor with a million people shouting my name and many more stupid things like this.The thins is that this piece of meat is the reason I get high. It controls my thinking and is the reason I blackout from this world so often to walk in a world of my own leaving my subconscious to linger in the real world.

Smoking , breathing or even injecting things may get a person high. But there are things that does not require any of the above mentioned methods and can still get you in a vessel floating in air. It may be physical like the adrenaline kick while racing a Maserati or it may be something as emotional as the feeling of love that gets you dizzy. Whatever it may be, it is far more pleasurable and better than some powder choking your lungs.