Too many things on my mind.

Lately I haven’t been on wordpress much. It all started on 13th this month. I was eagerly waiting for the result of this Job interview that i went through the week before. Till this day I was very clear about my career path for the next year or so. That day passed with little celebrations and a few congratulation calls from friends and family. Seemed like a pretty good day to me. The worst followed the next day. I received an email stating that I have made it to an MBA college I applied for. Well this, at first, seemed like a WOW moment. Getting two things that i always wanted to. But then, I had to decide which one to let go and which one to hold on. That is when the hardest part starts. Then next few days passed horribly with me along with my family brainstorming about both the options but still the balance was equally weighted for both of them. I had sleepless nights, not because I was worried or anxious but because I was up all night chatting with seniors ,employees and Ex-employees about the credibility of choosing that stake. There was a time I would make up my mind for one, and the next morning I was completely blank why I chose that. It was like you were given a choice to take home Either Angelina Jolie and Scarlet Johansson. None seemed better over other and none seemed lesser of other. I was too scared to flip a coin because I thought the coin would not come down.
In a day or two I got pretty pissed off. Nobody giving me a straight answer. Though one of my closest friend (Raunaq) was trying very hard to convince me into job. I really appreciate his effort there and his friendship throughout my graduation. But the thing was I was too skeptical about myself, I felt I may not succeed in the MBA entrance exams two years from now. I failed to trust my ability. I always boasted a practical personality, but here I realized the true me. After a lot of data crunching and anticipating the future prospects that might be best for me with the advice of a few i trust, I settled for one. The Job. But these 7 days have been the longest and the most mentally torturing days of my life. I couldn’t even celebrate for the happiness i received. In-fact I dont remember being happy these 7 days. All i remember is being worried and anxious and checking my facebook profile every 15 mins for any messages from people I’ve been consulting about this. And I am not happy about this. There were times I wished that I hadn’t got both these opportunities at the same time. But as it turns out or rather as it had to turn out, I voted for one and now I have accepted the fact that I will have to live with the consequences whatever they may be.


Breaking Bad

I am no junkie. I don’t smoke,drink or take any kinds of drugs that may cut me loose from my senses. But still I am high. I am hallucinated. This happens every time to me I watch Sherlock or Game of Thrones. Every time i listen to Metallica. Every time I play Call of Duty. Every time I watch Brad Pitt or Robert Downey Jr. paint the screens of my television set.There are things that make me blur the surroundings and get me into a semi-dream state. There are songs that make my heart beat at their tempo. There are movies that make my Medulla Oblongata lose control of my breathing and dim my reflexes. I am sure there are similar things for you as well.

My ears are the most sensitive part of my body. They are easily addled. They cut me from my surroundings completely. They are very robust too. They can recognize Eminem or Rihanna at the faintest of the sound. Good music gets me as high as clean meth does to some crystal junkie. It delights me as much as a marijuana joint does to an addict. Even the theme music of Sherlock gets me high enough to marathon the complete series again. “The Rains of Castamere” gets me stupefied enough to  repeat the song countless times. I have unnatural obsession with music.

My brain, this little bean in my head, is the real reason behind my volatile behavior. It stores pictures, of everything I lay my eyes upon. It runs complex, insanely tangled, algorithms to link every piece of information my senses record. The result of this algorithm is immensely pleasurable and inebriated memories or feelings that gets me into oblivion.This small organ is very easy to distract and then it wander into this gigantic world of its own where it lives with all of my imagination creating things that I dream of, living episodes of Game of Thrones,sitting on the iron throne, Flying like the Iron Man, breaking guitar on a floor with a million people shouting my name and many more stupid things like this.The thins is that this piece of meat is the reason I get high. It controls my thinking and is the reason I blackout from this world so often to walk in a world of my own leaving my subconscious to linger in the real world.

Smoking , breathing or even injecting things may get a person high. But there are things that does not require any of the above mentioned methods and can still get you in a vessel floating in air. It may be physical like the adrenaline kick while racing a Maserati or it may be something as emotional as the feeling of love that gets you dizzy. Whatever it may be, it is far more pleasurable and better than some powder choking your lungs.


Try being my Critic!

I am a web developer. Yes, I am. People say, it is not a designation worth mentioning or a job not worth doing. Well my reply to them is “It is a designation with a job that requires Imagination and creativity that YOU along with YOUR WHOLE INTELLECTUAL CONSORTIUM is not capable of making to in this lifetime”. This post is not to humiliate anyone who belongs to this group nor is it to prove my wisdom. It is also not targeted towards any of my college/school teacher/classmates who ,in a way, tried to pull me, my imagination and my aptitude in this particular discipline down by saying that “Anyone CAN make a website”. If you have ever been subjected to such mental exploitation, continue reading as you may feel a little better. If you have been the reason of this oppression…… BURN IN HELL, but before that, read this post.

Well, now that you know the objective of this post and the target audience I shall get on with it. I was born with average intelligence. Yes I was. But then, who isn’t? Every individual is born with average intelligence. Yes, even you. What? Did you feel offended? Oh, I am so not sorry, because you are. If you still think that you are extra ordinary, and consider yourself high born with some talent like no other, well wait, don’t release your fury upon me yet, and think for a moment. Does a score of 95+ out of 100 makes you the “WEE CHILD” ? If yes, then go to an empty room, dim the lights and lie down making no noise and movement until help arrives. This first kind of fault-finders are mostly withing 100 yards if you are in school or college. I have many friends who behave this way. They try their best to raise themselves above me and call me dwarf, but in that attempt they fall on their ass. One of the Greatest mentor in my life once told me that if someone ever tries to pull you down, use the INSULTING FINGER. So to this kind of nitpickers I let my finger do the talking.

Knowledge is an uncountable entity.  You cannot find  a fraction of your intellect vs that the world possess. Well this is because knowledge is not a measurable quantity. Now, before you F-Bomb me and comment “What is the purpose of tests?” read on. Examinations are a way to testify that you actually possess the  qualities you claim to. It is merely a test of what you actually know vs what you assert to. So if you are smart in a field, you still are “SMART IN THAT PARTICULAR BRANCH OF STUDY”. Not in every domain. Exactly like me, you too are an average kid.

Now, coming to a the people who Say “Anyone can build a website”. Yes anybody can, if they learn how to. But could you? Did anyone else realize that there is a difference of possibility between the word Can and Could. Nonetheless this is a group of people who will tell you that you own a few qualities that are very easy to acquire yet so meaningless that they themselves did not waste their time on it. My advice to you for such people: Don’t give a shit about what they say. Instead write a post to humiliate them among global public. This ought to give you more satisfaction that bombarding them in personal.

There in-fact is a third group of critics who will criticize you without knowing why. Their lack of knowledge in your field of expertise will make you doubt your knowledge in the same. Don’t fall for that. These people will pretend to know everything about everything, and yet they will successfully fail to succeed at anything. These pretentious little brats will try to relate everything that you know to something that they did, happened with them or are currently doing. Avoid them mentally. Yes mentally, physical avoidance might not be possible sometimes so abstain them mentally.

Now moving on to the final group of critics who should be the one that matters to you. Your parents, your closest friends, your wisest teachers. They never attack your ego or your honor. They go after your defeat with the motive of turning them to your victory.  They make you fly high without falling on your face. And they always love you and would support you in anything. Only you’ve got to show them that this is what you love to do. Stay close to such people. I like to call such people my forte.

Do not befriend people who praise you unconditionally yet never point out a single mistake. Your seriously are not perfect, because if you are then you are non-existent. True friends will always praise you at your good and condemn your wrong.  Their criticism will not be with the purpose to demotivate or insult you but with the hope that you will realize that you are wrong. They other group of friends are your biggest foes. Their criticism will be with the rationale of breaking you from a few inches inside. Don’t take it seriously. As someone once said that

one always has fewer weaknesses that one’s critics claim.


Fear is a chain reaction in brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with release of chemicals that pumps up your heart rate and fires up your breathing, making you sweat and increases your attention to your surroundings. But is this all we know about fear? You must have felt this itch in your stomach when you are alone in a room watching a horror movie with doors shut and lights dimmed and all you can hear is your own breathing when the TV is quiet, and suddenly the door slams to the wall and you gasp in fear only to realize that it was wind and no one tried to break in you room. Can sudden slam of door make you so frightened when you are siting in a room full of people? I doubt that. Then the definition of fear misses a vital link. The knowledge of your surroundings.

Our mind is very smart. Well at-least smarter than we think it is. While you were involved in watching the movie consciously, your mind was subconsciously aware of your surroundings. It was ,subconsciously, waiting for any unexpected event (to your conscious) and raise the alarm to your conscious. So the surroundings played a great deal in throwing you into panic instantly. Take another example of your subconscious messing with your head. You sometimes wake up from a dream sweating and realizing what a dreadful dream it was. Yes, you were scared your pants off by a DREAM.

However it is not always your subconscious that gets you high, sometimes there are things we fear consciously. A lot of these things that frighten you are not really things to get frightened of. You fear them because you are told to do so. Think for example, Rejection. I am sure you fear rejection, in love maybe or while being interviewed. But the biggest fear seems to be the Rejection by society. Really? Is that really worth all that rising blood pressure? Standing on a stage, in front of hundred people and speaking a few words might have given you goose bumps. It might still. But is it really that scary?

Some of you are appalled with the constant challenge your life spits at you and in desperation you “WHY ME” bomb yourself and the all mighty and you panic. Remember in the face of crises, fear is useless Yes it is. Fear is perfect, the most volatile fuel to defeat. But the same propellant can be use to shoot for victory if added in right quantity and at the right moment.It is the unknown we fear, replace it with curiosity instead. After all, you cannot fear something forever without knowing what it really is. It maybe a facade.

Then there is Death. Though some of us claim to be gutsy, we all fear it. Death is certain and meaning less (James Moriarty). Everyone has to die, but no one expects or anticipates it. That is why we fear it because it is sudden and our conscious did not had the slightest idea that it was about to be shut forever. That’s when it bleed Adrenalin , its last ray of hope for survival. That’s maybe the time when one may get to realize the fear of death.

Fear is a story you tell yourself continuously until it becomes a mind killer. It becomes a little death and brings total destruction. Fear is a liar. It lies to you the reality of the situation. It numbs your senses and makes your thought process dizzy. Fear has no logic. That is why is looks to frightening. Yes fear itself is phobia. Something like phobophobia. The only way to escape the hold fear has on us is to feed your mind with truth. It is the only way people conquer it. Have faith in your senses and capabilities because there is nothing to fear from yourself.

A letter to SUN

Dear Sun,

Hello. I am writing from Earth, one of your 4.5 billion years old daughter. Although you are 149,600,000 KM away from us, we can still feel the warmth of your love each day ever since our existence. Well some people get more of you than others but that’s not your fault, as with time our mother got old and she cannot stand straight up like she used to. It is summer here in Southern Asia.

Lately, you have been acting a bit weird. Many of us have felt unbearably hot vibes coming from you. Is it something wrong we did? Or is it just the usual teenage hormonal burst you are experiencing? I hope it is the latter. I agree we ourselves haven’t been so kind to our mother, maybe that is the reason you are so upset about. Everything is changing now. It rain now when it should be sunny out there, it is burning hot when it should be mildly cold.
People wearing white coats here tell us that we are headed for an ice age despite you glowing like this for several thousand lac years. If something like that happens, why dont you save your energy now and use it then?

Everything is advancing here at a very fast rate. But it seems that our mother pays all the bills to that. She always has been generous. White coats once told us that the black smoke our vehicles exhales out is responsible for keeping your warmth on earth. But, recently its amount has increased substantially and uncontrollably trapping more of you. This of course does not seems good. It is shrinking the white mountains and diluting the blue oceans.

Our race is selfish. Yes I admit, all the problems that we face are the result of our own actions. You , like a father, always ,along with mother, supported our existence. We , on other hand, have always take you for granted. I realize now that we have been a burden on you for the past few centuries. But I hope that like all parents, you will never give up on us though we might already have given up on you.